The holidays. Not always a festive time for some. Lots of folks get depressed this time of the year for numerous reasons. I get it. The holidays don’t depress me but it is one of those times that if you’re single you REALLY know it. Single. THAT word. When you’re in your 20’s it’s not a “bad” word. When you’re in your 40’s…well…it’s a different story.
As most of you know I’ve been married. AND divorced. Twice. My first divorce wasn’t that bad. My second gave birth to THE BITTER BITCH. Yeah…it was THAT rough. In the years since my divorce I’ve only seriously dated one man. Sadly he turned out to be not worthy of me…which means he was a cheating liar. Since that break-up, which happened in May of 2014, I haven’t had a date. Not one. Yeah…I’ve “hung out” with a few guys…mostly younger but I haven’t had a proper date. After my last break-up I decided to take a break from dating. I needed to figure out why I tended to gravitate towards douche bags. I think the break was needed.
Funny though…people constantly ask me why I’m single. Guy friends, girl friends, married friends, friends of friends…..lately I’ve given it some thought. Here is what I’ve come up with: I’m single because I want to be. I’m single because I’m too old to play games and deal with the silly shit that I see friends put up with. I’m single because I have no desire to do the whole online dating thing. I’m single because I’m a bit different from most 45 year old women…I don’t have kids, I have tattoos, & I like metal shows. I’m single because I’m sick of being a sweet trusting soul. I’m single because I’m independent. I’m single because I’d rather spend time with my dogs than a shady dude that just wants to hang out with me because he wants concert tickets. I’m single cause I like to hold the remote control. I’m single cause I enjoy drinking right out of the orange juice container. I’m single because I have yet to meet a man that treats me like a princess. I’m single because I refuse to settle.
I’ve done my time in the dating trenches. I’ve dated guys that are younger, older & my age. I’ve dated highly educated men & men that didn’t go to college. I’ve dated band guys & guys that aren’t into music. I’ve dated guys with tattoos & guys with no tattoos. I’ve dated tall guys & short guys. I’ve just never dated the RIGHT guy. To be completely honest I’m not sure I ever will.
Maybe it’s the holidays or the fact that I have a birthday coming up but I’ve given this whole single thing a lot of thought the last few weeks. And I’m not gonna lie…I’ve had a few “sad” moments while pondering my single status. I’m not the girl that “looks” for love or the girl that can’t be alone. I’m totally fine by myself. But you DO become more aware of your “single” status this time of the year. Espcially when you go to a Christmas party or a holiday dinner. It always seems like someone has to mention it or point it out. I’m ok with that. I don’t mind people asking. I just don’t have an answer to give them.
Yeah…I think I rock! I’m fun, I’m relatively smart, I’m kinda cute, I’m honest, I have a great sense of humor….AND I’m single. And no. I’m not a psycho. I let my crazy out so you KNOW what you’re in for. If you ask about the skeletons in my closet I’ll open the damn door & introduce you.
Maybe one day I’ll meet an amazing man. Maybe one day my single status will change. Maybe not. Either way I’ll be fine. I refuse to put up with bullshit. I’ve done it. I refuse to date someone that isn’t worth my time. I refuse to date someone that I know I won’t ever be serious about. Screw all that. I’d RATHER be single than do the crap I did in my 20’s.
I’ll be a single Grinch this holiday season. I’ll hang with my “Ho Ho Ho’s” and laugh. OR I’ll just sit here…holding my remote control & using my fingers instead of a fork to get pickles outta the jar. I’m single damnit! I’ll do what I want! 😉