BitterBitchMel being a baby……………..

Aging is an interesting thing. I remember when I was 15 years old…the LAST freakin’ thing I wanted was to do was to be around my parents. Flashback to your younger years…..remember how you thought your parents were clueless. How they never understood you & how you swore you’d never be like them. Family time was thought of as punishment in your teenage years. Oh how that changes as you get older. At least for me it has.

Last week my Mom moved to the mountatins of North Carolina. She was living in Gastonia, North Carolina which is about an hour & 1/2 from Columbia, South Carolina which is where I live. My Mom is without question the most amazing woman I know. She’s smart, intelligent, warm, caring and has a twisted sense of humor. She has a laugh that is infectious. She is my best friend.

When my Mom told me she was moving I kinda freaked out. I mean, she was now gonna be further away from me! How could she leave me? That’s how I felt….at the age of 45. Yep. My Mom has helped me through so much and it just punched me in the gut that she was moving. Now, once I settled down, I realized she’d only be three hours away instead of an hour & 1/2. My anxiety went away and I stopped freaking out. But my anxiousness did give me cause to review my feelings. Here’s what I came up with…………..

I was never really close to my Mom when I was growing up. My parents divorced when I was four years old. My younger brother & I lived with my Mom til I was 12. We then moved in with my Dad & Step-Mom. We’d see my Mom on weekends but as I moved into my teen years I didn’t wanna go see her. I wanted to hang out with my friends. When I was 17 she moved to England. With all the angst of a teenage girl, I lashed out at her. I felt like she was abandoning me. I was not happy. Long story short, I didn’t develop a real relationship with my Mom til I was 21 years old. It took a few years for us to become close but once we did we were the best of friends.

As I grew older and experienced adult situations I understood some of the choices my Mom made when I was younger. I was able to recognize why she did certain things. It didn’t have as much to do with me but was more about her own survival. At 17, ya don’t get it. In your 30’s & 40’s you understand. Having now gone through bad relationships, illness, an awful divorce and job changes I recognize why my Mom made particular choices. I also realize no one is perfect. Holy Hell I’m not! As a kid it’s hard. You think everything is about or because of YOU. As an adult you can relate to your parents differently because you get the whole “adulting” thing. It ain’t easy.

My Mom leaving bothered me because my best friend wouldn’t be as close. A day trip to bring me Matzo Ball soup wouldn’t happen. I suffered from an episode of panic and flashback to childhood. Abandonment or feeling that way can jack you up. As a kid and as and adult. I had to grasp that she wasn’t leaving ME. She was just living her retirement dream. And if you’re thinking to yourself that I’m a spoiled brat…yes. Yes I am! 😀

My upbringing was less than “normal” so there are times I struggle with certain feelings. You’d think I’d have a handle on all this kinda shit by now but there are still times I’ll have a lil panic attack. It’s interesting how your relationship with your parents changes as you get older. I would truly be lost without my Mom. She gives me advise, listens, laughs at my silliness and encourages me to be a total rock star. I talk to her almost every day. Nothing has changed because of her move. I’ll just have to drive a little further for a hug and soup.

If your parents are still around, hug them. Spend time with them when you can. They won’t be around forever so cherish them.

Rock on kiddies!

2 thoughts on “BitterBitchMel being a baby……………..

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