What defines a Mother………….

You saw the title & thought I was gonna talk about motherfuckers…didn’t ya? Admit it! Nooooo….not today kids.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and I saw something interesting on Facebook earlier this week. Now I’ll admit that Mother’s Day is always a little weird for me…..for numerous reasons. I’ll get into it BRIEFLY in a bit but back to what I saw earlier this week.

A woman, close to fifty years old, if not older, was extremely upset because someone told her to have a “Happy Mother’s Day”. She was quite bothered by this because she isn’t a Mom. She is unable to have kids. She was quite offended. Now….I get it but LIGHTEN UP FRANCES! (If you don’t get that reference I’m not sure we can be friends) πŸ™‚

I totally understand that just because we are women doesn’t mean we are a Mom to someone. Every December folks say “Merry Christmas” to me & I don’t freak cause I’m Jewish. Hell, I’m happy folks are being friendly! It’s not like they know me or my religion. Their words aren’t meant to be offensive. There’s no malicious intent. Any time there is a “holiday” people usually try to express a happy sentiment. I think the woman who freaked needs to deal with what will never be.

I understand her pain…I truly do. I was told at the age of 35 that I wouldn’t be able to have kids. At the time I was a step-mom to two amazing kids but I desperately wanted a child of my own. I was head over heels in love with my husband at the time and could think of nothing more beautiful than making a little “us”. I was devastated when the doctor told me the chances of me becoming pregnant were slim and that if I did become pregnant the chances of me carrying to full term were even slimmer. Many family members wanted me to see a fertility specialist but I didn’t wanna be a lab rat. I had just gone through being poked & stuck with needles as I had been diagnosed with Graves Disease. It all seemed like too much. Although I’m not the most religious person in my mind I figured it was a sign. I wasn’t supposed to have a child. Now, years later, I am FREAKIN’ thankful that I didn’t breed as my now ex-husband is a wacko. WHEW! Obviously someone above was looking out for me.

It IS a boot in the ass when stuff like that happens BUT it happens. Being overtly sensitive isn’t helpful. You have to deal with the hand you’re dealt & move on. I recognize you can’t just “shake it off” but it is something you have to come to terms with. Took me a few years. It’s traumatic and quite painful but being a Mom isn’t what defines you. Oh it sucks to be the “odd woman out” when all your friends discuss kid stuff or when you’re the ONLY person without a kid at a baby shower. Been there…..but it’s ok. Having a child doesn’t make you a “Mom” nor does it make you any less of a woman. AND…………..we all KNOW I hate an overly sensitive PC person. Holy Hell! Get on some meds & find a good therapist. No shame there!

Now, back to the whole “Mother’s Day” thing. It’s always a lil odd for me. It’s a day that makes me think. My parents divorced when I was four years old. My Dad married my step-mom when I was five years old. We called her “Mom” and she was in my life as a “Mom” for 19 years. For the whole dramatic story, you’ll have to wait for the book. πŸ˜‰ I was not close to my biological mom for many, many years. I was quite angry with her as I felt she kinda split. Again….more info on that will come out in the book. πŸ˜‰ When I was 21 I became close with my biological Mom. She is the most amazing woman I know! She is my best friend and I wouldn’t be the person I am without her. My point is that “Mom” is the woman that is there for you….could be your adopted mom, a step-mom, a grandma, a friend that raised you, an older sister, a cousin…….you get my point. “Mom” is the woman that is there to hug you when you’re upset, make you your favorite food, tell you everything is gonna be ok and hate the same people you do! “Mom” is the woman that has your back…always. Giving birth does NOT make you a mom. Trust me….my last therapist had to make a flow chart of the PARENTS I’ve had in my life. I know the definition of “Mom”

That said I do tend to get a lil sad on Mother’s Day. I don’t have kids & never will, I think of my mom and the mom I lost and I got engaged to my ex-husband on Mother’s Day. Since I’m still paying for that fucking divorce…yes…it’ll be in the book…I always think of that mistake I made. Holy Hell! THAT one was a doosie!

Sometimes there’s a difference in the people that “made” ya and the people that “raised” ya. IF you’re lucky…they are the same. Sadly, that’s not always the case. For Mother’s Day love the folks in your life. “Real” mom, step-mom, grandma…….. Let’s be honest, “Mom” is the one that nags your ass daily…or is that just my Mom? I kid, I kid! And truth told, for some people that’s a Dad! Not all of us have been lucky enough to have a strong woman role model.

“Mom” is the woman that you think of when you hear that word. And “Mother’s Day” is just that….a DAY! And a Sunday at that! If ya don’t have a mom or aren’t a mom then take the day & catch up on your favorite show. Eat cookies. Cry. Whatever makes ya happy. But don’t feel like any less of a woman cause ya don’t have kids. And don’t be overly freakin’ sensitive. Ya know that makes me crazy!

Hell, if you’re REALLY upset about not having kids then haul yourself to the closest “Monkey Joe’s” or “Chucky Cheese”…..I can guarantee ya that after an hour or two you’ll be freakin’ thankful for YOUR life! I know I am….glad I have freakin’ dogs!

πŸ™‚ Rock on!
BitterMel

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